Monday, December 7, 2015

It's hard

It's hard to see babies and think that we'll never have another.  At the same time, I love seeing babies because they're so adorable and fun...

I have nagging doubts in the back of my head.  I *know* that they aren't the reasons God didn't give us a genetic sibling for Daughter, but they still nag me...

What if I'm not a good enough mother?
Are we being punished for refreezing one excellent embryo at the March transfer?
What if God doesn't want us to homeschool?
What if I won't be able to handle more than one child?

I know it's all nonsense... but it still nags at the back of my brain.

We're looking into our options.  Traditional adoption...

My conference call with Dr Keenan was Thursday.  He said he doesn't know why I haven't gotten pregnant and that it could be the changes in my body since having Daughter.  He said we could go back for a 4th attempt if we used the "special needs" embryos.  We decided against it, for now.  I really don't think that I can get pregnant again.

5 comments:

  1. I really hate NEDCs 3-try policy. I know why they do it, but there should be some flexibility too. You have a "proven uterus" - you've had a child. Not all embryos are created equal. (The last ones used are usually poorest quality.)
    We got Leah on our first attempt, but then had a miscarriage and then 3 more failed transfers. Sadie was our 5th try. I can't imagine not having her.
    I'd encourage you to look for other agencies/clinics. Don't let Satan plague your mind with "not good enough" garbage. It may just be that God wants you to trust Him to bring you the child destined for your family. (Whatever that looks like.)
    Our girls aren't genetic siblings. God may have a different child(ren) in mind for you.....
    My prayers are with you!

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  2. That is such good advice. There is a program out in California that might be worth looking into, California Conceptions. They have embryos created for people looking to have a baby. You pay a set price and get your money back if it doesn't Work. They have like 95 percent success rate after 3 transfers. Just wanted to put that out there for you. I know it would involve travel, but it might be an option. I am so sorry it didn't work. Prayers for you and your hubby. This is Mari, sorry I am using my phone and struggling to make it work.

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  3. That is such good advice. There is a program out in California that might be worth looking into, California Conceptions. They have embryos created for people looking to have a baby. You pay a set price and get your money back if it doesn't Work. They have like 95 percent success rate after 3 transfers. Just wanted to put that out there for you. I know it would involve travel, but it might be an option. I am so sorry it didn't work. Prayers for you and your hubby. This is Mari, sorry I am using my phone and struggling to make it work.

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  4. I am so sorry you are going through this. I found your blog when I was pregnant with my sweet baby girl (we used a donated embryo as well but they only had 2...I only became pregnant with 1 and I know how it feels to know your child will not have any genetic siblings). We spent so long trying to get just one baby that it is hard to think of trying again all over again. I was actually diagnosed with an elevated natural killer cells and that night have been why previous pregnancies did not work. You might want to look into that. We have decided that we are so blessed to have our one daughter and IF we become pregnant we will be over the moon, but we are so happy now that for us that is enough! Good luck!!

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  5. It is hard. And confusing. Always remember that God's plans are best. Even when they look completely different than what we planned. I understand. Praying for you!

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