Friday, April 5, 2013
This Means War!
Seems like somebody left herself logged into her Adoption Homestead Blog!
This is Malia's husband! You see, somebody has been taking grievous advantage of her gracious, most accommodating dear husband during this pregnancy!
"Honey, can you let the dog out? It's cold out, and baby needs to stay warm..."
"Honey, can you bend over to pick ______ up off the floor? It's hard for baby to bend over and pick things up!"
"Honey can you _____? Baby _____..." Rinse - Repeat.
ONCE was hard enough, but THIS MANY TIMES??? It has been a number of times that I've come home from a hard day at work, and I seek to relax in the steamy hot warmth of the shower... Scrubbing the axel grease, dirt, grime, and anti-seize grease off my arms, neck, and face with an exfoliating stone so I look more 'presentable' (and less calloused) for you... Only to be SHOCKED into a state of dumbfoundedness as you pour a half-gallon of ICE COLD WATER over the shower door onto my soap-covered head... Screaming like a blithering idiot... Blinded by soap & shampoo in my eyes, and shivering from the ice-cold water!
THIS MEANS WAR! Normally I do not pre-emptively WARN people of the severe retribution they will soon receive at my hands - but rest assured - it will come!
I will take into consideration that our Baby didn't have anything to do with your nefaroius attacks, so I will try to limit the suffering to you alone. Since I know you HATE surprises, and LOATHE anticipation of an upcoming surprise (both pleasant or unpleasant) - so this warning will partially provide that antagonizing anticipation.
Will I retaliate with a series of wet willies in your sleep?
Will it be the sudden disappearance of your bra's and panties?
Will all bathrooms in the house suddenly be LOCKED in the middle of the night when all you desperately need is a toilet?
What will it be?
WHEN will it happen?
The suspense will drive you crazy this week!
Consider yourself warned, My Love! It. Is. Coming.