Thursday, August 20, 2015

Is God trying to tell us something?

First the car, then the roof (which we haven't heard from insurance adjusters yet about) those are both major expenses. 

Then my parents will be out of town for half of our trip and can't watch Mookie (they can still watch Daughter and Mookie for the other half- just not the full week we had been planning). Now we found out that Mat's parents will be out of town through the Saturday before the transfer (we had been planning on driving to their place on Friday and taking off on Saturday morning. Leaving Daughter there). They said they would change their travel arrangements.... 

Is God trying to tell us something?

Should we not do the November transfer?  
That would be additional cost as we would have to renew our background checks (in ND home studies are good for 2 years but background checks must be renewed every year).  But that way we'd have extra time to save up after the other big expenses. Plus if we get pregnant the baby would be more than 3 years younger than Daughter... We were trying for 2-3 years age difference. 

Should we take Daughter with us?
That would likely be more stressful. Driving with her is not easy... We would probably have to fly, and that would stress me out more.  I hate flying. 

Should we make it a shorter trip?
That might have to be the way we go... But it just seems such a shame to sit in the car for over 20 hours to have two days at the destination. 

Should we give up on EA altogether?  
I really don't want this to be God's will. I really want to have genetic siblings for Daughter. I really don't want her to be an only child....

Infertility sucks. 

God, please guide us!

Sunday, August 16, 2015

When it rains, it storms.

First, we had a chemical pregnancy from our March transfer. 

Then we had a failed transfer in July. 

Then the loaner car that we had been borrowing from my mom (until after the next transfer when we could afford a new one) died. We got a new (to us) car on Friday. Complete with our first car payments. 

Then today, Mat noticed a spot on the ceiling. Yep, the roof is leaking. We had a hail storm at the end of June and he thinks that is what caused it. Hopefully insurance covers it and we only have to pay the deductible. 

I just feel like nothing is going right. I know we're very blessed to have wonderful family (including our miracle snowflake!), good jobs, great property, fantastic friends, and our Savior... But sometimes it's just hard. 
So blessed to have this little girl. Lord, help me to count my blessings more than my worries. 

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Followup call with Dr Keenan

The call went about as expected.  He said that now we've had every outcome of EA possible- live birth, early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy), and a negative beta.  He said that we (he and us) were really expecting the transfer to result in pregnancy.

Mat and I made a list of questions last night...  Dr's responses in italics

-We used name brand Estrace with Daughter's transfer n 2012, should we try again? 
no difference
-Anything we can do to improve chances?
recommends endoscratch
-Could the negative have anything to do with changes in my anatomy (C secton scar...)?
-A friend was told on her third transfer to switch embryo age (Day1, day 3, or day 5), would you recommend that for us?
Gut says stick with current embryos (well, yes, we want genetic siblings for daughter... just wondering if you thought we should try thawing to day 5?)  No, embryos grow best in the womb.
-Any additional supplements I should take?
-Do you think it was embryo quality issues?
no, embryos were very good, one was perfect.
-with Daughter, my bladder was too full for the transfer, do you think that had a impact?
-Do you think my weight had anything to do with it?  (up 5-10lbs)

He gave more of an answer than "no" most of the time, I just wrote down "no".

We're going back in November.  We will stay in a hotel that's less than a ten minute drive from the clinic this time.  No renting cabins 45 minutes out....  we'll probably split up the drive home into 2 days just to be less stressful.  No major hikes this time.... mostly driving around the smokies.

personal female issue stuff , just including for others comfort if they go through the same thing*****meaning stop reading if monthly talk grosses you out*****

my period this month was killer.  Cramps and clots like my miscarriage of twins back in 2011... I ODd on both Tylenol and Ibuprofen and used a heating pad almost all day.  No idea why this time was worse than when I had my chemical pregnancy in March... but it was.