Friday, January 8, 2016

Looking into options...

My babysitter from years ago had adopted from foster care.  I knew this from FB so I messaged her to ask her questions about it.  She was very open and helpful.  She wanted me to call her and we ended up talking for about an hour.  She told me the ups and downs and things to look out for.

For instance, have you heard of Reactive Attachment Disorder?  I hadn't.  I knew that children from Russia and similar places where they are one of many in orphanages had some issues bonding (that was the reason we were looking into Korea, where they don't use orphanages), but it can also happen with foster children here.  Wow!  Scary!

She told us to make sure the terminate parental rights, we get a social/medical history... etc.

The most exciting thing might be that she said that they would use our home study that we have through our adoption agency, CFLS (she's not positive because she's in another state).

If we do foster to adopt, they would have to be TPRd (termination of parental rights) and then we foster for 90 days before we can legally adopt.  (at least in her state, which I don't think is all that different).

We could request for Daughter to remain the oldest, which is apparently normal, and would keep our potential adopted child basically an infant.  It's pretty important to keep the family "constellation", I was informed, so the social workers should understand that and be willing to work with it.

She also told me that my disability should not be an issue.  She knows of a couple who went through the foster system and the man has no arms or legs.  

I contacted the ND foster care system on Wednesday but haven't heard back yet.

Also, my awesome mother has been looking into other adoption agencies in ND.  She contacted God's Children and told them our story (I'm not yet to the point where I can talk about it without crying) and the woman with whom she spoke told her about a wheelchair bound woman who was turned down by the first birth mother, but approved by the second.

God's Children also works with more states than just MN and ND (unlike our current agency, CFLS)

So... there are a lot of options.  We are meeting with our pastor, praying fervently, and honestly I have some peace in my heart that we will have another child.

We'll probably go ahead and update our home study through CFLS for an infant adoption (right now we only have an EA home study done) and then possibly have God's Children or the state take it.  We have to find out if God's Children will allow another agencies home study.

That's a lot to think and pray about.  God grant us discernment!


  1. Hi, I have followed your blog ever since we started looking into Embryo Adoption 2 years ago. We have since been blessed with boy/girl twins through EA. However, our oldest two (also twins!) were adopted from foster care. It was a long 14 month process because we took kids who were not yet legally free and whose birth families were trying to regain custody. We ultimately decided to go that route because we wanted young children and we were told it could be a really long wait if we went the foster/adopt route hoping for a legally free child younger than 3. Maybe it is different in ND though. We did have 2 other placements before our girls came to us as 4 month olds and it was very hard emotionally, but the Lord granted us the strength we needed and we were so blessed by doing foster care. I thought I would share my story just in case this is a route you would want to consider. Prayers for your family as you wrestle with this decision.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing!

      Were the other 2 placements also desired adoptions that went back to birth parents? I don't know that we could handle that... especially if it were a bad situation they were going back to.

      Thanks for the prayers! And congrats on your blessings! Two sets of twins, what a blessing! :)

    2. I am never sure if the correct terminology, but basically we became certified foster parents. So, all three of the placements we took, including the one that ended in adoption, were foster placements. We knew nothing was certain when we took each one. They could be with us for a night, a month, a year, or forever. We went into foster care wanting to ultimately adopt but also knowing we could provide a loving home for a child/sibling group for however long they needed one. It was definitely very hard, I had many many prayerful, tearful nights but it was the path that God seemed to clearly lead us to, and it was ultimately what made us parents so I am thankful for it. I totally understand that fostering is not the route for everyone though!